i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
