you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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