Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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