Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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