My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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