Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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