He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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