dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
