I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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