carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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