Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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