did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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