sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
