His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
