I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My underwear smells like fireworks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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