Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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