dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
