Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
