ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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