Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
