We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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