roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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