your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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