suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
