Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
