I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
two words: eviction party
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
