Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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