What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cut my penus on the lid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
