Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
