I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
