There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
