I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
