Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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