I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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