Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
