Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
