Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
