He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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