no, he came in my armpit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
