i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
