why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize