Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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