I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
