third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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