I want to have your abortion
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize