we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
how drunk are you?
Several
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
