I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
