dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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