So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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