just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
