He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
either way he was missing a nipple.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
