Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize