too bad you live with your parents still
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize