You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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