If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
