I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
