Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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