Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
