Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
