I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
