Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i think my cat just said my name.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
