yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize