If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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