It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
