Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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