idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
