you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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