You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
