Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize