last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
